8/04/2014

What I've Learned from Unrequited Love

First...read this quote by Taylor Swift (because even though her dancing is weird, she's actually pretty eloquent):

"I think we grow up thinking that the only love that counts as true love is the kind that lasts forever or is fully realized. When you have a broken heart, the first thing a stranger will ask is 'how long were you two together?' As if your pain can be determined by how long you were with someone. Or if you were with them at all. I don't think that's how it works. I think unrequited love is just as valid as any other kind. It's just as crushing and just as thrilling. No matter what happens in this situation, I want you to remember that what you are doing is selfless and beautiful and kind. You are loving someone purely because you love them, not because you'll ever think you'll have your affections reciprocated. You are admiring something for its beauty, without needing to own it. Feel good about being the kind of person who loves selflessly. I think someday you'll find someone who loves you in that exact same way."

Second...this hit me so freaking hard because that's how I feel. Often times I believe I will never find somebody who I can love as much as I love that boy who wore an "I love Mormon Girls" shirt when he asked me to dance in eighth grade.

But the likelihood of anything happening is slim to none. And surprisingly, I'm totally okay with it.

I believe that because I've liked him for so long that it's a privilege more than anything else. I like him merely because he's an amazing person, not because he will love me back. It's an unrequited love that's been such a big part of me, but has taught me so many important lessons: like how important it is to be kind of everyone. And how essential it is to be so deeply good that no temptation can break your character.

That even when a 17 year old girl has a giant crush on you and you know she does, that you smile at her in the hall anyway. Because that's just the kind of person you should be. I admire him. That boy is incredibly inspirational to me and I will never forget how kindness seemed to ooze out of every part of him.

I want to believe I will end up with him, but I'm smart enough to understand that, that is not how life works.

And maybe I'm kind of crazy for liking this particular boy for so long and maybe it's even crazier for me to be posting this, but I just know that Heavenly Father knew I needed his example in my life to show me what a man should really be like.

And while he hasn't even given me a second thought, it doesn't really matter. All that matters is that I learn from him, that I take the lessons I couldn't have learned any other way and move on. I've got the world in my hands.

What have you learned from unrequited love?

2 comments:

  1. Brave girl! This is a topic I have to comment on. Because, been there way too many times. Like, let myself have unrequited crushes on boys for 2+ years (longer in my teenage years when the pickings are slim and it's easy to like the same boys for years on end). But I'm talking adult years right now. The idea of liking someone for years without them liking you back is a really sore spot for me, so I always tell myself I'll never do it again when I finally get out of one situation (usually because the fella gets married to someone else) but I catch myself doing it all over again too easily. Probably because I want what I want and there's no stopping it, ya know? And it's really easy to take every little sign (texting, emailing, singling me out at parties, being frequent lunch buddies, etc) as a sign that someday they'll pull a Mr Darcy and meet in a field somewhere at dawn (insert a zillion other chick flick references where the unrequited crush suddenly comes through and loves you back by the end of the story). So, I'm rambling. But, this is the type of situation I think a lot about because I always seem to get myself in the middle of it. Here's what I've been thinking lately..... When I'm in the throes of unrequited crushing/loving, I tend to swing wildly between high/delusional hopes and "screw him I don't need him I hate his cute face!" But I recently realized that there can be a middle ground that works well for me.....one where I allow myself to love them, because pretending I don't is just silly and will only make me explode at some point, but still recognize that something might not happen at all. I just give myself permission to feel what I feel instead of trying to change it, but choose to try and go out with other guys anyway. Even if the person I have feelings for has a girlfriend sometimes, I can't help that I have my feelings -- I just choose not to act on them. Feelings are what they are, and I guess I got tired of trying to boss them around because let's be real -- the emotions wear the pants in that kind of fight. Anyway, still rambling. It sounds like you are already doing what I've been learning to do lately -- to just own the feeling for what it is because you recognize that you can't just switch it off, but still accept that you can't control the outcome and that's OK. You keep on loving that boy from 7th grade or high school or whatever, ups and downs and hope and pain and all, until you either end up with him or find someone you love enough to drown it out. No shame in that :) That's the end of my rambling.

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  2. Oh girl. I feel like I know who this is about, I couldn't agree more about him! If I'm right....but anyway.
    With that said, before I met and married Daniel I hung with one boy every day for nearly 5 years! I thought I was going to marry him, and that I couldn't love anyone more than I did him. Boy was I wrong!! I found a much better man for me, but I can thank that boy for showing me how to love, and give my all to someone. I'm not saying you and said boy won't end up together, all I am saying is our feelings and emotions for someone or something are for reasons. Reasons unknown until a certain time.

    You are a beautiful girl, you are going to find a wonderful man! I can't wait for that day, and hope to continue to follow you on that journey!!! :)

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