I was just thinking the other day about bravery. Courage if you will.
I lack it. I am SO fearful. So scared of what's going to come next, so anxious about how my life is going to pan out. Will I make it? Am I worth it? Can I do it?
However, I think bravery doesn't stem from always being courageous and for always standing up for what's right. For always knowing you can do it and for always knowing everything is going to be okay.
I believe courage and bravery come from heartache.
It comes from sorrow and grief and loss.
It comes from mistakes.
Because contrary to what people believe, bravery comes from fear.
Everyone is scared of something. It could be something little like spiders or it could be something big like death.
For me, I've become brave because what I'm scared of most has happened to me.
But I'm still alive. Because once fear stares you in the face, you feel like there's nothing in the world that can stop you.
As a teenager, when I had flung myself onto my bed sobbing tears of remorse at not being asked to my junior prom, my parents told me that everything would be okay. At the time, I didn't have the perspective of my almost 50-year old parents. I didn't believe them. Although they knew exactly what they were talking about.
Everything WILL be okay.
Everything DOES work out.
EVERYTHING happens for a reason.
That's where faith comes in.
It's not about knowing what's coming next.
It's not about preparing and preparing because you're scared for what will happen.
It's about LETTING GO.
Trying new things.
TRUSTING solely on the Lord.
And gosh damn it, it is HARD.
It is probably THE hardest thing I have ever done.
Tears have been shed.
Hair has been lost.
And pounds have been added.
But it's ALL worth it.
Because now I'm brave.
And there's nothing that can stop me.