Thoughts I Had About Running While I Was Running

I started running when I was 16 years old because I joined my high school cross country team. Don't ask me why I joined because I honestly can't remember. Had I ran before that? Nope! But I ran 3 miles every day for the entire summer that year. 

Fast forward to the summer in between my freshman and sophomore year of college and I had decided to stay in Logan. I didn't have a lot of friends, so I decided to run 3 miles every day that summer. 

Let's jump to the summer after I graduated college, I decided I was going to run a half marathon. (Summers seem to be a theme here...) And I did! In fact, I have two half marathons under my belt now. 

It's easy to read that and think that running comes easily to me. It doesn't. I have to work really, really hard at it. Running has included a lot of my lowest lows and highest highs. 

The other day as I was running I started thinking about why I run and why I like it so much. I'm not a natural runner - although I do have long legs which probably gives me an edge. Running makes me feel powerful. Power often has a negative connotation, but that's not my point here. It makes me feel powerful because it shows me I have a great deal of determination. 

Running pushes me to be better because the only person I'm competing with is myself. Running shows me the woman who doesn't give up or take the easy way out. 

One day when I was training for my half marathon I was on a 5 mile run and my shoe caught the edge of a sidewalk and I went down HARD. My knees and arms were scrapped and bleeding, but I didn't really think anything of it. I just kept going.

Running is a time when my heart and my body connect completely. All parts of me get on the same page and seem to say "Okay let's do this!" I think that's why I truly love running. Running makes me feel most like myself. My messy, challenging, happy, wonderful, emotional, determined self. 

cause I know you want to know how wes proposed

I've heard from multiple people lately that I need to write down my proposal story because years later I'll forget the details and let's just say...these are details I don't want to forget. How Wes proposed to me was the nicest, most thoughtful thing anyone has EVER done for me. I was on the verge of tears all day.

Wes and I talked about getting married back in May in a Baskin-Robbins parking lot. (I was in this weird ice cream addict phase.) We talked about getting married in April 2018 and I said that all I wanted for a proposal was to be surprised. Well...as most people find out, once you know, you know and we decided to bump up that date a bit. So the proposal wasn't much of a surprise. I knew I was getting engaged on October 14, but I definitely didn't know it would be so thoughtful, kind, elaborate, and so totally me! 

It all started when Wes asked if I wanted to go to breakfast on Saturday with his family at 9 a.m. I almost said no because I needed to catch up on sleep, but he offered to take me to Joe's Cafe, which is my most favorite breakfast place so of course I said yes. I was late as per usual and Wes texted me and asked what I wanted so he could order for me. (He's sneaky.) But when I got there, Wes wasn't there, which was SO confusing. Out of the corner of my eye, I see my friend Ashley standing in line, which totally weirded me out because she had just texted me a few days before about meeting up. I turned around to call Wes and she comes up and pulls me around and says "Elisabeth! We're going to breakfast!" I was totally confused and Ash just kept laughing. hahaha! I mean, I probably would too. After a few minutes, I realized what was happening, but I wasn't prepared for what was going to happen the rest of the day. 

Ash and I had a wonderful breakfast and it was a blast to catching up with her! It had been too long! If any of you need a friend, Ash is your girl. 

At the end of breakfast, Ash pulled out a gold envelope (this is when I really knew what was happening) and it said some incredibly darling, romantic things and then told me to go to an address in Cottonwood Heights. 

The place ended up being a nail place and when I walked in, my girls Maddie and Amelia were getting their nails done (surprise!) and another clue of course! We all chatted and had the best time hanging out and getting our nails done. What a little slice of heaven it was. Wes knows me so well. I LOVE getting my nails done and I LOVE Amelia and Maddie so win-win! 

The next clue told me to go to where Wes and I had our first kiss which was my apartment. Once I got there, no one was there so I texted Wes and he told me to look for the clue in my apartment. I searched high and low for like 15 minutes (Wes kept texting me....look high! look high! hahaha) The doorbell rang after I had basically torn apart my apartment and my dear friend Naomi was there!! (She had gotten there early and taken a drive, but then I got there earlier than her, so Wes had to keep me distracted...) The clue she had instructed us to go shopping at City Creek and spend all the cash in the envelope and Wes told Naomi that I couldn't leave until I spent it all. Again, he knows me so well because I LOVE shopping but I wouldn't have spent all his money. He couldn't have picked a better person to go shopping with though because Naomi is my fashion IDOL. It was so special to spend that time with her! 

After my shopping spree, the next clue I got was to go to the food court and find my lunch dates. At this point, I was trying to figure out who would meet me. I knew my friend Kenzi was involved somehow, but the clue said lunch "dates" so it had to be more than one person. I thought for a split second that it might be my family, but they were in Idaho. It didn't make sense. 

Boy, was I wrong. I walked into the food court and my cute family was sitting at one of the tables and I just started bawling. Wes knows how much I love my family and all the emotion of being surprised and knowing Wes was so thoughtful made me cry hard core. It was wonderful to see them and hang out with them for a bit. 

Then they gave me a clue that told me to go to the place of our second picture, but I couldn't remember for forever. I finally figured out that it was the aquarium. So my family drove me to the aquarium (actually I drove because my parents hate driving in Utah haha) and that's when I saw Kenzi! 

She had a Dr. Pepper waiting for me (cause she knows me so well) and she took me to her studio and did my hair and makeup! Can you just die right now? Wes knows me SO FREAKIN' WELL. We chatted and laughed and she did my hair and makeup and it was stunning. Kenz and I didn't get a picture. So here's one of us together at a random time cause we cute. 

She then was instructed to blindfold me at her studio and take me somewhere. I tried to follow where we were going, but then I got lost. Turns out, she drove me to Color Me Mine, which was where Wes and I had our first date. Kenzi gave me a clue and then told me that Wes told her to run away hahaha I was confused because I didn't know what I was supposed to do so I walked inside the store.

I looked at the two girls at the front desk and started to ask them what I was supposed to do and then Wes appeared at the door LOOKING LIKE A FREAKIN BABE in his periwinkle shirt and gray pants. I just hugged him a lot and started crying and got lipstick on his shirt accidentally hahaha

After we hugged, we walked to his car and we started driving. I had no idea where we were going, but he just talked to me about all the stuff he did that day and all the things he tried to do for me. It was darling. He kept telling me I needed to remember a whole bunch of significant things in our relationship because we were going to go to all those places. 

I have a terrible memory, so I was trying to remember all the things he said to remember as we were driving up towards the mountain by the Draper temple. We went on a hike (because earlier that week he told me we were going to go on a hike) up on this mini hill over looking the Draper temple. It was a stunning view! At this point, I didn't think Wes was proposing to me there because he had told me that we were going to go to some other places first, but lo and behold, just as we're about to leave, he got down on one knee and proposed. The first thing I said was "Right here?!" because I thought we were going somewhere else first. hahaha! I said yes of course! 

Wes goes above and beyond for me every day and I am extremely blessed. He is the most perfect person for me and I love him with all my heart. I am SO PUMPED to marry him! I mean...just look at that hunk of burnin' love. ;) 

my relationship doesn't look like yours and that's okay

I think it's easy as human beings to look at Instagram and see that beautiful couple and immediately ask "Why doesn't my relationship look like that?"

We pine and obsess and expect a certain level of something in our relationships. We expect our significant other to buy us flowers every day or write sappy social media captions every day. Since that's what our friend's significant other's do right?

I mean, Aladdin rode up on a freakin magic carpet right when Jasmine needed him and sang a beautiful song and they were instantly in love. LIKE WHAT. (They also both knew the lyrics to that song without rehearsing and frankly, I think that's kind of fishy.) 

All that aside, I've spent too much unnecessary time thinking about how my relationship with Wes compares to my friend's relationships because that's what you're taught right? You're taught in movies and society and media that you're supposed to follow some kind of guideline or your relationship isn't successful. It's "love at first sight" and "never go to bed angry." He didn't bring you flowers? Oh, well you should definitely break up with him. He didn't open your door? You should reconsider.

All of that is bull.

What is actually beautiful and wonderful about life is that you're creating a relationship just for you.  My relationship with Wes doesn't look like those Instagram couples because it isn't those Instagram couples. I'm a completely different person and Wes is a completely different person and we're bringing those differences together and creating a relationship from the ground up.

And guess what? That's exactly what you're supposed to do! Creating your own relationship is actually a really beautiful part of life and it's not supposed to look like anyone else's because it's perfect for you. I'm still learning that how Wes and I do life is not how my friends do life, which in turn, doesn't mean we're doing it wrong or that they're doing it wrong either.

We're doing what works for us.

Adulting is sooooo messy--there's money and families and disagreements and scheduling and work. Why would I make my life harder by conforming to what everyone else says is a "successful" relationship?

I get to decide what the guideline for successful is in my relationship and I'm still figuring that out. In the meantime...let's not judge. Let's be kind. Don't give unsolicited relationship advice.  Let people live how they want to live.  We don't need to conform to any kind of "success." We need to let people create their personal definition of success and we should be cheering them on.  

not your typical fashion post

I wanted to write this really deep post about love, but guess what? I'm STRUGGLINGGGGG. Mostly because I want it to be just right, SO for now, you get a post about my killer outfit on Monday and some thoughts I've had over the past couple of weeks. 

-My jean jacket is my pride and joy and I wear it wherever possible.

-I totally took this in my bathroom. #NoShame

-I've been thinking about taking up video since social media is basically ALL video now. 

-Car shopping is 100 percent the worst. 

-Long-distance relationships are hard and I miss Wes like crazy.

-I have INCREDIBLE friends. Ahhhh! My heart swells when I think about them because they're so wonderful. 

-The Great British Baking Show. Let's talk about it. The voices are so soothing and everyone on the show is just so nice. Wes just rolls his eyes at me when I talk about it because I'm legitmately OBSESSED. #NewFavoriteShow

-Pretty sure my mom is the actual Wonder Woman. Sorry, Gal Gadot. [Although she was amazing and you should definitely go see the movie.]

that time I went to therapy and it was SO GOOD

I've known since July of last year that I needed some help.

I struggle with a little thing called self-hate. {Oh, Self Hate, you're a wench.} She cuddles up next to me when I'm about to fall asleep and asks me constantly, "Are you awake?" Girl, you need to get a life.

When my wonderful bishop mentioned that I should start therapy, I was apprehensive. All I could think was "People like me don't go to therapy..." 

I walked through the door of this tiny office and expected Miss Trunchbull to throw me in the chokey. Instead my sweet, pregnant, wonderful therapist Loni gave me a hug, told me I was beautiful, and let me cry my eyes out because life is hard when you are called fat by a mean, mean boy.

Here's the thing though...THERAPY IS AMAZING. THERAPY WORKS. AND MENTAL HEALTH IS SO IMPORTANT. 

Two of the best pieces of advice I've ever gotten about mental health happen to be from my mom and dad. Shocker, I know. My parents are basically angelic beings filled with cotton candy and m&m's at all times.

1. My dad told me: "Mental health is just like any physical ailment. If you break your bone, you go to the doctor. If your brain is broken, you go to the doctor for that too." 

The stigma attached to mental health is incorrect. In fact, everyone goes to a doctor at least once in their life. Why is mental health any different? The output is exactly the same--you just want to feel better. 

2. One of my favorite things that has ever come out of my mom's mouth is this: "I can't tell you how many times I've heard well, if you just pray hard enough everything will work out. Ummm NO, that's not how life works."

The reason I love this is because she's right (and because my mom gets sassy when she's passionate about something and it's entertaining). Of course, praying and reading your scriptures and going to church are all important things and you should definitely keep doing them. What my mom means is, relying solely on God to fix everything for you defeats the purpose of agency. We must do everything we can to help ourselves and God will make up the difference. 

I'm grateful every day for a wonderful bishop who knew me and got me the help I so desperately needed. And PLEASE, if you're struggling with self-hate, let's chat. I know that woman like I know my way around a Chickfila and that's pretty darn good.