As in, lots of crying, lots of doubt, and lots of disappointments.
I've felt worthless and I've felt like I haven't made good decisions.
Starting with the crying, I'm sure my parents just want to kill every human being that has ever come in contact with me because all I do is call them and tell them how horrible this person was to me and how that professor is stupid and that person was downright awful to me.
There were multiple times throughout this week where I was sitting in class and I couldn't stop the tears leaking through my eyes.
All I've been doing is crying.
Is that normal? Ha!
Second, there has been a lot of doubt. I've doubted whether I'll pass the classes I need for my major. I've doubted whether dating boys was even worth it. I've doubted what friends to make and worst of all, I've doubted my self worth. I'm one of those people that always thought I had pretty good self-esteem. I talk about it all the time on this little forum of mine and I always thought it was just something I've gained throughout life. But really, these last couple of weeks have really tried my self-worth. The little things starting getting to me...I'm not as skinny as her. My face is breaking out SOOO bad, I look disgusting. Why the heck do I have to be so tall! My hair looks awful today. I started believing these little things and I started treating myself the way I thought I should be treated.
And last, I've had a lot of disappointments. Like when my best friend told me she was moving home for the school year so I wouldn't get to be her roommate. And when I look in the mirror and realize I've gained more weight than I've liked. And when the boy that I've liked since I was 14 hasn't written me back in a month. And when I'm so darn busy that I can't even eat regular meals. And when my car breaks down at the most inconvenient time. It's just one disappointment after another.
I was feeling so frustrated and so down. I just couldn't get out of this little funk that I was in. I was asking people what I should do and who I should talk to and my roommate Naomi suggested that I should talk to my bishop. Just to get some advice.
Boy, let me tell ya. Heavenly Father really does inspire people! Before the bishop even started speaking, I looked over at a picture hanging on the wall of his office. It had a picture of President Hinckley with a quote on it. I don't remember the whole quote, but part of it stuck out to me. "...don't worry. Everything will work out."
I lost it. I think I cried the whole time I was talking to the bishop. Not only did the bishop give me great advice, but he reminded me that Heavenly Father really does love me. Even when I don't get the blessings I think I deserve or when I feel like I've made some bad decisions. He reminded me that I AM A GREAT PERSON.
He reminded me that I am a daughter of God and no matter how many dates I get or how many days I go without showering or what time I wake up in the morning, I'm STILL a daughter of God. I'm STILL someone who's worth it and I'm STILL somebody who has a special, sacred mission in this life.