my relationship doesn't look like yours and that's okay

I think it's easy as human beings to look at Instagram and see that beautiful couple and immediately ask "Why doesn't my relationship look like that?"

We pine and obsess and expect a certain level of something in our relationships. We expect our significant other to buy us flowers every day or write sappy social media captions every day. Since that's what our friend's significant other's do right?

I mean, Aladdin rode up on a freakin magic carpet right when Jasmine needed him and sang a beautiful song and they were instantly in love. LIKE WHAT. (They also both knew the lyrics to that song without rehearsing and frankly, I think that's kind of fishy.) 

All that aside, I've spent too much unnecessary time thinking about how my relationship with Wes compares to my friend's relationships because that's what you're taught right? You're taught in movies and society and media that you're supposed to follow some kind of guideline or your relationship isn't successful. It's "love at first sight" and "never go to bed angry." He didn't bring you flowers? Oh, well you should definitely break up with him. He didn't open your door? You should reconsider.

All of that is bull.

What is actually beautiful and wonderful about life is that you're creating a relationship just for you.  My relationship with Wes doesn't look like those Instagram couples because it isn't those Instagram couples. I'm a completely different person and Wes is a completely different person and we're bringing those differences together and creating a relationship from the ground up.

And guess what? That's exactly what you're supposed to do! Creating your own relationship is actually a really beautiful part of life and it's not supposed to look like anyone else's because it's perfect for you. I'm still learning that how Wes and I do life is not how my friends do life, which in turn, doesn't mean we're doing it wrong or that they're doing it wrong either.

We're doing what works for us.

Adulting is sooooo messy--there's money and families and disagreements and scheduling and work. Why would I make my life harder by conforming to what everyone else says is a "successful" relationship?

I get to decide what the guideline for successful is in my relationship and I'm still figuring that out. In the meantime...let's not judge. Let's be kind. Don't give unsolicited relationship advice.  Let people live how they want to live.  We don't need to conform to any kind of "success." We need to let people create their personal definition of success and we should be cheering them on.