i have worth

a lot times i don't think i have worth. 
because I'm not a size 2.
In fact, I'm a size 16-18.
i try to shop the sales racks, but instead of extra large's there are extra small's
i go running ALL THE TIME, but it doesn't seem to help
i watch as girls who are sticks shove as many cookies into their mouth as they want and nothing happens
i'm terrified to eventually have kids because i know i'll balloon up and never be able to lose the weight

to be honest, most of the time its not so bad. especially if i'm wearing something that makes me feel BOMB
but it's a trial and something that i struggle with on a daily basis.
i have to look at myself in the mirror EVERY DAY and say to myself "it doesn't matter how much you weigh, no one notices but you! You can go rock those patterned leggings..."
(if i happen to be wearing patterned leggings that day...) 

a lot of my life has consisted of me being terrified that boys won't like me because i'm not skinny.
when i was about sixteen, i heard somewhere that boys only liked girls if they were skinny and ever since i have had this horrid ideology that i am not worth being loved.
for a long time, i have kept my distance from boys because i'm scared that they will somehow be disappointed by what they see.
a lot of this comes from me.
no one has ever told me that i'm not worth being loved
it's just a stigma i've attached to myself
but it's still hard to deal with.

however, i decided this summer that i am going to change that.
i am sick of feeling like i'm not worth it.
my solution to this problem?
pick a boy that i would want to date.  a boy that i would never ever think in a million years would ever like me.
then act like there is NOTHING that he doesn't like about me.
be myself.
have fun around him.
don't worry about my weight or how that is affecting his decision to like me.
if he's even thinking that at all!!
remember that i'm worth everybody and anybody's attention.
get over the fact that i'm a size 18 and remember what is really great about myself:
like the fact that i can talk to anyone and i have really great legs and i strive to be a kind as i can to everyone
and i have a solid testimony of jesus christ...ya know, stuff like that.

these kinds of good qualities about me are what's going to make me feel "worthy" of any kind of love.
romantic-wise or friendship-wise.
my stake president a couple years back said this once: "you can't convert somebody beyond your own conversion"
i would venture to say that "you can't love somebody unless you love yourself"
so, gosh darn it! I'm going to love myself!!

Yours Charmingly giveaway winner
Email me back cute girl and I'll get you your necklace!


  1. First of all: You're amazing. Second of all: You are seriously so SO pretty! Third: They've done studies that I've learned about in my psych classes that say that men actually like women better that are not perfectly skinny. They say on average men liked women who were bigger than what they were "supposed" to weigh. :)

  2. Girl you are beautiful regardless of what size you wear. It's so easy for us to find fault in the things we have and embrace our insecurities rather than recognize our strengths!! Thanks for sharing. You are amazing!!

  3. You are so beautiful. I think every woman can relate to this, whether a size 0 or a size 20. We all have our insecurities. That's a fact. I think as long as you are eating healthy & taking care of your body, what do you have to be ashamed of?

    I always go to stores & there's only extra smalls left. No larges, no extra larges, sometimes not even mediums. I like to think that's because there aren't many extra small girls out there. There really aren't. Anyways, you're beautiful. I hope you can look in the mirror & see what I see. Love you!

  4. I stalk your blog sometimes, and I've never commented before, but this is post really rings true to me lately, as I have been having some of the same thoughts. I stay away from boys for the same reason, and it's time to stop thinking that I don't have worth just because I don't have a classical figure. Thanks so much for posting this; it means a lot!
    --Madeline Jensen

  5. I've struggled with this a lot, too.
    Matthew 10:29-31 is proof enough that you have worth to God! :)
    You're you, and that's enough, because you are beautiful. <3