Am I Normal?

I was reading Stephanie Nielsen's book Heaven Is Here yesterday and I started thinking upon an experience she had.

In her book, she explains that while her and her husband were dating she told him that she didn't want to continue going to school if they got married and all she wanted to do was be a mom.

As I was reading that, I realized that that was not how I felt about motherhood.

It's TOTALLY fine to feel that way though! I know a lot of women who feel that way and that's perfectly okay. I'm not harping on Stephanie for feeling this way.

I guess I'm harping on how I feel about it.

I don't want to have kids right away. Being a mom scares the crap out of me. I want to get an education. In fact, I really want to get my education. The examples in my life only add to that conviction. My dad has his PhD and teaches psychology at BYU-I.  My mom is finishing up her Master's degree and currently teaches kindergarten. My grandpa was a principal for 20+ years and many of my aunts and uncles went into education as well. Education has always been a HUGE part of my life and while I'm not perfect at it, I do value and treasure it. Being a mom isn't something I want right away.

Am I normal for thinking this way?

I was so floored about how I reacted to Stephanie's experience that I thought there must be something wrong with me.
Aren't all girls supposed to have that deep and embedded trait of motherhood engraved in their soul?

Cause I definitely don't.

Now, don't get me wrong, I totally want to have kids. I know being a mom is something that I want...but eventually. Not right away and I definitely have to think about it first because of what a giant responsibility it is.

I know this is kind of silly to talk about on my blog because I'm not even married, but it's something that has been on my mind for a couple days.

What do you guys think?


  1. I totally agree, but now that I'm married.... knowing I have to make the sacrifice of working full-time, and putting a little bit of my schooling on the back burner, so that Brady and his schooling can come first is SO hard on me. All I want to do is either work part-time or just quit and stay at home all day. Knowing that it's going to be a while before I can be a stay-at-home mom really drives me crazy. I, too am driven to get my education. I've had crazy surgeries my entire childhood and NEITHER of my parents had educations, and basically held on to the insurance my dad had through his work which was just another job for him. So when I finally could understand what education was, I vowed to ALWAYS finish, to get as far as my bachelors, if not my masters. I knew that I didn't want to be put in a situation where I would need to go back to work and not have a degree which I know will be required in the future.

    But at the same time, I still wanna stay home. Hahaha but I just have to keep telling myself that my day will come. And when I'm a stay-at-home mom, I'll wish I wasn't stuck at home ;)

    Good post!

  2. My feelings changed as I got older. I was completely like you a couple years ago. I wanted at least two years MINIMUM of being married before having kids. My perspective has changed drastically now because I am in a different place. But you aren't wrong to feel that way. I have always wanted to get an education and be a mom. I think that is why Heavenly Father made it so that I was close to graduating before I got married (at least partly why). Anyway, all I have to say that is that God has a plan and a desire for each of us. Regardless of our desires, we have to do His will. Maybe His will is for you to finish school before having kids, maybe His will is for you to get married and have kids while still in school, etc. All I have to say is keep doing what you're doing, and you'll be directed to where and what you are supposed to do! :) Love ya!

  3. Everyone has different opinions when it comes to motherhood. I'm with you though. Having kids scares me to death. I'm still trying to learn how to take care of myself; let alone another human being. Also, I'm a first generation student because my parents never had enough money to go to school. I've grown up being told that school and education are very important. I want to make my parents proud, and get into my dream career. I still don't believe I'll ever get married, because I'm so focused on making my dreams come true. Who knows though?! If God puts the right people in my life, a family would be awesome. I'd like to wait a little more down the road though.
    Great Post! I definitely got me thinking!

  4. Yes you are normal! That's exactly how i feel. I always wanted to get at least a masters and possibly a phd. Now that I'm married and just finished my undergrad, it's a really hard decision to make! For one thing I want kids now more than I ever did before. But I don't want to regret not getting my masters! It's also hard to justify a huge expense and time commitment if I plan on staying home to raise my kids....which I do. I like hearing other peoples experiences though cause it helps me feel normal that I'm not the only one who is scared to have kids and really wants to get a masters.

  5. This is something I struggle with a lot, actually. You are totally normal. I think there are a million and one ways to be a terrific mom. The hard part is when us ladies judge one another for not doing it the "right way". I appreciated this honest post. I felt the same way when I read this part of Stephanie's book. It didn't bother me that she felt that way, but I hope those who aren't LDS and read the book realize that not all women feel that same way about motherhood, ya know?

  6. Um, well if you are not normal, then I am completely crazy! I totally feel the same way though. I definitely do want to be a mom at some point and hopefully be able to be a stay-at-home mom, but I am for sure finishing my education before that point. And even then, I want to be able to keep up on my certification as a nurse, so even when I do have kids I hope to be able to have a sweet set up where I only work like one shift every one or two weeks! And at this point, finishing my education is a pretty viable option for me, seeing as how I'm not married and not dating anyone! So, I guess that is a bonus for me in a sort of round-about way :)

    I love your honesty in this post! It makes me have to think about my own opinions on things that matter and I really like that! Love you cute girl!

  7. I think everyone feels differently, and at different stages of your life, you'll feel differently too. When I first got married, I had no desire for children right away at all. Now I'm finally starting to get to the point where I do want kids. I finished my Bachelor's degree after I got married--and every once in a while, there's a part of me that would love to go for a PhD and become a professor...but the practical side of me can't justify spending probably another 100 K to become a professor and, most likely, still make less than my husband does with his B.S.N. (The sciences always make more money than the arts do, but no one could convince me to join the medical field!) Plus the fact that what I really want to do with my life is be a writer, work with languages, maybe teach/tutor ESL--I know I don't need more education to be able to do any of that.

  8. ummm can i just say that i had the exact same feelings as you? granted, i have always been very baby hungry but i never wanted to even get married before i graduated, let alone have kids. it just wasn't my plan. having kids seriously freaks me out! plus, i wanted my education, as well as my husband's, to be a priority. when i found out i was pregnant, i had a little bit of a meltdown. i was happy and excited to bring a little life into this world, but i was scared and overwhelmed because it didn't fit in with my "plan" and i really don't see myself being a good mom. i have to take a break from school to have this baby and i don't know when i will get to go back, and that really upset me for quite a long time. but after a lot of praying, i know that this is what i am meant to do and i am excited to be a mom! i know i can make time for my education after the baby is here, it will just be harder... but worth it!

    so don't even worry, you're not alone. but i've learned that the lord's plans don't always fit in with your plans so sometimes you need to learn to just throw your hands in the air and say "fine. if you say so!" and do it. :) love you girl!